July 2004 -- Volume 6, Issue 6   Free Subscription!

  We're Not Entirely Cynical But Close  

Things I Learned From The Cinema

1. You will never run out of ammo if you are the hero.

2. You lose your superpowers only when you need them.

3. In the year 2000, cars will fly

4. Time travel is good but only to stop yourself from doing something evil/stupid

5. The butler always did it. After all, that's why you pay him.

6. Life is best with background music

7. The only way thing that will save me from killers is my virginity

8. A 12 year old boy with thick rimmed and a bowl cut can stop a killer that no grown up can simply by touching him

9. If you can dance, then all of your problems will go away on their own.

10. Trouble only comes your way if you are a superhero with a costume under your clothes

11. If you put glasses on no one will ever recognize you

12. Never try to pull one over on a group of pesky young kids and their stupid dog

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